


Mistaken Identity

by hotchoco195



Series: Miloverse [6]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And angst, Arguments, Cheating, Couples on the verge of break-up, F/M, Identity Issues, Kids and pregnancy, Misogyny, So much angst, trickery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchoco195/pseuds/hotchoco195
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Thor shows up saying Jane threw him out and he doesn't know why, Loki finds it odd but his brother is a bonehead sometimes. When the others all start reporting similar issues, he gets a little more suspicious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistaken Identity

Loki frowned as he opened the door. “Thor? It is late, brother.”

The blond looked tired, his shoulders slumped, an angry red handprint on one side of his face. He was holding an overnight bag.

“My apologies, Loki. I did not mean to disturb you.”

“It’s fine,” the god waved him in, “What happened to you?”

“The Lady Jane threw me out.”

“What?”

“She has announced her intentions to change the locks and insisted I shall never see Thrúd again.”

Loki scowled. “That’s not like Jane at all. What did you do to aggravate her so?”

“Nothing! I have done nothing outside my usual routine and manner of behaviour.”

“What reason did she give you?”

Thor sighed. “She said I had broken faith with her.”

Loki raised a brow expectantly. “Byyyy...”

“I know not.”

“Perfect. Come, sit. I think we could both use a drink.”

Thor dropped his bag and collapsed onto the couch, head in his hands. Loki crossed to the bar and brought two glasses and a new bottle of tequila over to the coffee table.

“You are welcome to stay with us until this rift is patched up. I’m certain Natasha won’t mind.”

“My thanks, brother. I am sure it will blow over. Lady Jane has a temper but she is reasonable.”

“And you have no idea what you did to anger her?”

He shook his head. “She was not very forthcoming. She seemed to think I should know.”

“Would you like me to try talking to her? Perhaps she will be calmer if you are not around.”

“It would be a great comfort to me if you would. Or perhaps Lady Natasha? I would ask Lady Darcy but I think her too loyal to Jane to listen to my entreaties.”

“I am sure Darcy cares for you as well.”

Thor threw back a shot and poured himself another. “What am I to do, brother? What if she truly withholds my child from me?”

“She won’t do that,” Loki tutted, “Jane is no heartless fiend.”

“What if something happens to them and I am not there because of this unknown slight?”

“Thor, you’re being dramatic-”

The blond’s lip quivered and he threw his arms around Loki, sobbing into his shoulder. Thunder crashed outside and rain hit the deck like a solid sheet, so thick Loki could barely see three feet past the windows.

“Loki? Did you hear the weird storm? It’s not the...Bifrost,” Natasha paused in the doorway, “I see.”

“Natasha my love, do you think we could have a moment?” Loki said, strained as he rubbed Thor’s shaking shoulders.

“I’ll warm up some Poptarts and get the emergency mead.”

“You are an angel.”

“Brother,” Thor hiccoughed, sniffing loudly, “Oh, do you think Jane hurts as badly as I?”

“I am sure of it.”

 

Darcy stood at Jane’s shoulder with a coffee in each hand. The scientist was staring at the wall, head propped on her arm, ignoring the beeping machine next to her.

“Jane? Jane!”

She didn’t respond, face completely blank.

“JANE!”

Still nothing. Darcy sighed and nudged her shoulder, and the astrophysicist sat up hurriedly.

“What? Oh, sorry Darcy.”

“What is with you today, space case?”

She cleared her throat stiffly. “Uh, Thor and I...we’re...I threw him out last night.”

“What?” Darcy shoved her coffee at her, “What the hell? Why?”

“Darcy, it’s so awful, I don’t even want to talk about it.”

“Come on, Janey,” she tugged the brunette away from the desk to the other end of the lab and leaned on the counter, “Talk to me.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“You’re not fine. You can’t even concentrate. Just tell me and we’ll see what we can do to fix it.”

Jane teared up. “I don’t know how.”

“Ssh,” Darcy stroked her shoulder, “Come on. Tell Aunty Darcy.”

“Thor was...weird when he got home last night. He was moody and sullen and he barely spoke to me over dinner. And then after I put Thrúd to bed, he started talking about his duty as a prince and heir.”

“Okay, so far, so good.”

“He told me he couldn’t stay away from Odin when he was so old and unwell. I said that was understandable, but Odin isn’t exactly the most supportive of our marriage and probably won’t be very welcoming. Thor said he wants us all to move to Asgard immediately, and when I said we’d discussed it and we need to stay here for at least a few more years for my work, he said it _wasn’t important_.”

“Oh dude! Well, you know Thor just isn’t down with all the hi-tech science mumbo-jumbo. But he respects your work, I know he does.”

“No, Darcy, he said horrible things about me playing at magic and never being able to measure up because I’m human, and that I should be thrilled to take my place beside him as princess of Asgard and do nothing all day but raise our children.”

“Wow,” Darcy raised her brows, “Well Asgard’s kinda old-fashioned...but what about Sif? Thor never seemed to have a problem with her running around all unladylike.”

“I said that too, and he said it was different because she wasn’t married. And then...and then he started saying all this stuff about how Odin had wanted him to marry Sif, and maybe he should have.”

Jane broke down, sobbing into her hands. Darcy wrapped her arms around the sobbing woman.

“God, I can’t believe he’d be such a bastard!”

“So I told him to get out and not come back, and that if he wanted SIf he could go have her.”

“Way to go Jane! Did he go?”

“Yeah. I...I may have slapped him.” She said sheepishly.

“Nice!”

“It was strange, it was like it woke him up or something. He turned all apologetic and saying he didn’t understand why I was mad.”

“Well he totally deserved it. But I dunno, maybe he was having some weird fit of responsibility and felt bad he’s here instead of with Odin. He might get over it and come back to beg your forgiveness.”

“I don’t know if he can have it. Do you think he really wishes I was someone else?”

“Are you kidding? Thor’s always been head over heels for you. It must have been a bad day. We all say shit we don’t mean in the heat of the moment.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

 

Darcy wiped her cheeks and sat back. “Hey, how about we go for a little walk? Clear your head, get you back into research mode. A few hours of nice distracting equations and you’ll feel more objective about the whole thing.”

“I’m a mess.” Jane complained.

“You’re fine. Come on, I insist. And I’ll talk to Thor and give him a piece of my mind if you like.”

Jane reluctantly followed her to the door, shaking her head. “No, thanks but I don’t think you should get involved.”

“I hate to see you two fighting.” Darcy pouted.

“If you’re right, we’ll get over it soon. If not...I mean right now Darce, I never want to see him again but I also miss him so bad I can’t think.”

They turned down another corridor, keeping their voices down as they passed the other R&D labs.

“I know what you mean. But you’ll feel better if you let him explain. Even if his explanation is crap and he really did mean all that stuff, at least you’ll know you’re right.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be talking about other stuff?” Jane sighed, “Distraction stuff?”

“Right.”

They wandered aimlessly, chatting and drinking their coffee. Jane was twitchy, fidgeting with the sleeves of her jumper, but Darcy was a gold-medal talker and she rambled on enough to fill the silence.

Jane stopped suddenly and grabbed her arm, looking past the brunette. “Don’t turn around.”

“Why not?” she immediately disobeyed, words dying in her throat.

Clint was talking to a gorgeous blonde agent, one hand on the wall above her shoulder as the other caressed her elbow. She was laughing at something and he smirked, leaning in to whisper.

“Oh hell no, Barton knows better than to cheat on me!”

“Darcy, don’t-” Jane tried but she shook off the astrophysicist in one go and stormed down the corridor.

“Excuse me, you finished with him? Because I have some castration to get to.”

The agent looked up, startled. Clint pulled away with a huge smug grin. “Darce. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Save it, Barton. What the fuck is this?”

“What do you mean, dollface?”

“Dollface! What is this, Asshole Boyfriend Day?”

“Look, Darce,” he curled his lip, “It’s nothin’, babe. You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?” she scoffed as the blonde agent made her escape, “So you weren’t licking her ear drum?”

“Why are you jealous? We were just talking.”

“Talking. Right.”

She spun and marched back to Jane, Clint hurrying after. He cut her off, grabbing her shoulders.

“Come on, sweetheart. It’s all in your head.”

“Get this through yours – we are now officially over, Barton. Go ask the bimbo out all you like. I hope you’re super miserable together.”

She shoved him off and continued down the hall, Jane glaring at him before running to catch up.

“Oh my god, Darcy-”

“Don’t. We’re gonna go do some kickass science, and that shitshow is not going to even cross my mind until I have access to wine and icecream.”

Jane pressed her lips together but nodded. “Okay.”

*****

Loki opened the sliding door to find Thor sitting on the edge of the deck, dangling his feet in the pool and talking to Milo sadly. The trickster frowned. It didn’t suit his brother to look so bereft.

“I’m going to see Lady Jane now.”

“Thank you brother. Please assure her I did not mean my offence, whatever it was.”

“I’ll tell her, but be prepared for the fact you may have erred without realising. You should start thinking of ways to make it up to her.”

“I will, I will! I’ll devote weeks to it if I must, years even!”

“Start with a few hours and we’ll see how it goes, hmm?”

Loki popped himself to Jane and Thor’s apartment, knocking precisely. He could hear the TV and someone crying, though it was impossible to tell if it was Jane or his niece.

“Coming!”

There was a rattle of the chain and Jane opened the door. She was wearing a ragged flannel shirt over a white singlet and jeans, Thrúd on her hip. The toddler was rubbing her eyes sleepily, golden curls framing her face.

“Unca Loki!”

“Hello my sweet. Lady Jane.” He bowed his head.

She frowned, resettling the girl’s weight. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how you are, and to find the cause of this misunderstanding between you and Thor.”

“I’m not interested in talking about it.”

“Jane, please,” Loki frowned, “My brother is terribly thick at times, and he claims not to know how he mistreated you. If you will tell me, I can defend or chastise him as appropriate.”

“You can’t defend him, Loki. He said things to me that you can’t take back.”

“Such as?”

“Wishing I was Sif, for one.” She stuck out her jaw.

“Sif?” he frowned, “But that makes no sense.”

“Telling me I was nothing more than a trophy wife, that one was great. Are all Asgardians this archaic or just him? Tell me, does Natasha have to put up with this housewife shit too?”

“Lady Jane, I assure you there are many extraordinary women in Asgard, and with Frigga for a mother Thor would never disregard you like that. What were his exact words? Perhaps something came across-”

“He said ‘Women’s work is bearing and raising their husband’s children.’ Explain how I misconstrued that.”

She slammed the door in his face, clicking the chain back on even though it would do nothing to keep either Loki or Thor out. He was too stunned to object, staring at the wood in front of him. Thor couldn’t really have said that. He wouldn’t even dare _think_ such a thing in case Frigga found out.

The god zapped himself back to the house. Thor was still by the deck but he’d found a pen and paper and was listing what looked like ideas for winning Jane back.

“Loki?” he looked up eagerly, “That was much faster than I expected. Has she forgiven me?”

“No, she has decidedly not. And if what she says is true I cannot blame her.”

“What does she say?” he frowned.

“She claims you told her – and I am paraphrasing here – that she was little more than a broodmare whose life and desires were of no importance.”

“What!” Thor stood rapidly, splashing the desk, “I would never say such a thing! Jane’s desires are my highest concern in all things.”

“That is what I said. But she seemed convinced it was what you meant, Thor.”

“I did not...I would never, even by accident.”

“Come, tell me what you remember of the quarrel.”

“I came home and she had put Thrúd to bed...I thought she was angry I had missed it but I told her that could not be helped, and that at least she had Jane to be there for her. That was when she snapped but I believe she was angry the moment I saw her – her vein was doing that odd flickering.” He rubbed his neck to demonstrate.

“You didn’t say ‘women’s work is bearing and raising their husband’s children’?”

“What?” he gaped, “No!”

“Well that is what she heard. If it is a mistake you must make it clear to her.”

“I don’t know how! How can I prove I didn’t say it when I don’t remember what I am supposed to have said?”

Loki sighed. “I do not know. But for your sake, I would keep brainstorming.”

 

“Jane?” Bruce frowned and shifted the phone, “Yeah, she’s been off the last day or two. Why?”

Thor’s voice was thick and melancholy. “She is much grieved with me for something I did not do. I was hoping you could alert me when she is next in the lab. I am going to ask Tony to procure some footage of our squabble but I must catch Jane unawares or she will not listen.”

“I don’t think ambushing her is going to work out well for you,” he winced, “She’s pretty jumpy at the moment.”

“I must surprise her, for Lady Darcy has been watching guard and sends me away any time I attempt to enter.”

“I’ll let you know when I see her alone, okay?”

“My thanks, friend Bruce.”

“You’re welcome, buddy. I hope things work out.”

“As do I.”

He hung up and the doctor rubbed his forehead. Jane and Thor had seemed solid enough but he supposed all alien/human marriages eventually ran into some kind of cultural mismatch. Jane would probably get over it when she remembered all the other clashes they’d had when Thor first came to Earth. He remembered the difficulties of dealing with Hel’s mistrust of public transport and her general hatred of shopping centres, crowded as they were with what she called ‘the hollow damned’.

Still thinking of his girlfriend, Bruce walked into the living room to find her lying on the couch, feet on the edge of the coffee table and head pressed into the cushions as she played with the hem of her shirt.

“Hey hon. You okay?”

“I...I am fine.”

He frowned. “You don’t sound fine.”

“It is nothing, Bruce.”

The scientist walked over and perched on the arm of the couch. “Will you tell me anyway?”

She sighed and sat up, hugging her knees. “I have been thinking I should like to have some children.”

Bruce felt like he’d been smacked in the face with a crowbar. “What? You told me you didn’t want any.”

“I have changed my mind.”

Bruce pushed his glasses up his nose and grimaced, choosing his words carefully. “You know we can’t, sweetheart. It’s too dangerous.”

“In your opinion.”

“I think I would know better than anyone the risks of passing on my condition.”

“I am a goddess, Bruce of the house Banner. My offspring will not be affected by any mortal disease.”

“We can’t know that. I don’t feel comfortable gambling with a child’s life.”

“I could contain it until you teach it control.”

“Hel, why are you pushing this? You know how I feel. You told me it was fine.”

“Well I desire a child! Niflheim must have an heir, and if you cannot provide me one I must look elsewhere.”

“What?”

She stood and folded her arms over her chest angrily. “It is no fault of mine that you have poisoned yourself with that monster. If I am to remain in Midgard with my family, I must have a child to take over my throne in my absence.”

He gaped, mouth suddenly dry. “Monster?”

“I think I shall go and stay in Budapest with Fenrir for a time. Clearly we do not share the same priorities.”

“Hel-”

But she was gone, leaving Bruce staring at an empty couch. Rage slammed into the base of his skull, hot and suffocating, and he dropped to a crouch as he hugged himself.

“Not now, not now, not now.”

“Dr Banner?” Jarvis asked.

“Not now, not now, not no-”

The AI’s voice changed as he roared and squirmed in his skin. “Code Green. Protocol Lockdown commencing. All occupants, Code Green. Lockdown commencing.”

Bruce threw himself into his fury and pushed everything else far, far away.

 

Clint spotted Darcy and Jane across the cafeteria and smiled. The brunette was wearing one of his favourite tops, a low-cut one that matched her bright red lips, and after two weeks in Tunisia he was ready to throw her down right there and rip it open with his teeth. He sauntered over and sat on the bench, murmuring in her ear.

“Did you wear that for me?”

The girl’s fork hovered above her plate, head turning slowly to stare at him. Clint frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you insane, Barton? What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Uh, talking to my girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend!” she hissed, “I thought field agents had to be smart. I told you we’re over, Clint.”

“What? When?”

“Why don’t you go ask Agent Peroxide? You two are so close.”

“Darcy, seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am but I’m not an idiot, Hawk. And I certainly don’t tolerate cheating.”

“Cheating? Darce, I haven’t-”

“You’re gonna deny it?” her brows shot up.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”

People were looking now, agents peering discreetly over their shoulders. Darcy scoffed and stood.

“Jane?”

“Darce, seriously, we need to talk about this!”

She walked away and Jane stood with an apologetic look. “Sorry but I gotta...”

“Yeah, fine.” He waved a hand dismissively. He was too blindsided to chase after Darcy like he should.

Jane hurried after her assistant and Clint glared at the people still watching, sliding off the bench to stalk out through the other door. He headed straight for Nat’s office. It was a tiny shithole cubicle like his own, used for nothing but private conversations with contacts, but she could usually be found there if she wasn’t with Coulson. Sure enough the redhead was behind her desk shredding papers.

“Clint?”

“I just had my ass handed to me by a college student in front of the whole cafeteria.” He slumped against the filing cabinet.

“What are you talking about?”

“Darcy seems to think I cheated on her.”

“What? Why would you do something that stupid?”

“Nat, I didn’t do it at all!”

“Then why does she think you did?”

He shrugged, spluttering. “I dunno. She seemed pretty certain about it. Maybe she heard a rumour about me and another agent on the mission?”

“Darcy’s not someone who jumps to conclusions. She knows what the gossip’s like around here. She must have a pretty good reason to think you fucked up.”

“I don’t know what it is. I’ve been in goddamn Tunisia for Christ’s sake!”

“Maybe someone showed her something they’d doctored.”

“If so, I’m going to drag their eyeballs out through their bellybuttons. She won’t even let me ask her about it, Nat. She just stormed out.”

Natasha stood, taking her purse from the drawer before she locked it. “You and I are going out.”

“I don’t wanna do anything but chase down Darcy and demand an explanation.”

“You’re all worked up and it sounds like she is too. There’s some other stuff too, about Thor and Jane. I should brief you before you go jumping into that snake pit.”

“I still don’t wanna go out.”

“Barton,” she said dangerously, “You’re getting a drink with me. End of story.”

Her tone still made him shiver after all these years. “Alright. I guess I could use a drink.”

 

Pepper walked into the workshop and put her bag down, coming up behind Tony to hug him with a sigh.

“What a day.”

“How was your flight?”

“Exhausting.”

She watched him for a moment. The genius was tidying his workbench, schematics she didn’t recognise open in midair.

“Working on something new?”

“I’m calling Fury tomorrow about collaborating on some of the Phase 2 weapons.”

Pepper’s brows shot up. “What?”

“Well there’s a huge potential to corner the market on energy-based ammunition, and he’s not gonna say no to me offering my services.”

“Tony, we should talk about this. You said you wanted Stark Industries to move away from arms manufacture.”

“That was before the Chitauri. Now I think it makes sense to get Earth’s firepower up to standard before another invasion.”

“This is a huge decision. We need to talk to the board-”

“I’m going over their heads.”

Pepper gaped. “You’re not CEO anymore, Tony.”

“Well maybe I should be.”

She stepped back. “Excuse me?”

He half-shrugged flippantly. “If you can’t make the hard calls when I need you to, maybe you’re not cut out to hold the reins.”

Pepper took a deep breath, fighting back her anger. “You know what? Go to bed, get some rest and talk to me when you’re not hopped up on too much caffeine.”

“I’m fine. You’re the one struggling here.”

“I am not letting you throw away all the progress you’ve made on a whim – and especially without further discussion. Do not make one single overture to Fury until I’ve spoken to the board. And I’m going to spend the night in the guest room.”

“Why?”

“Why?” her eyes practically bulged, “Because you sound crazy, that’s why. Making weapons, working with SHIELD, wanting to run the company; it’s like you’ve got a split personality all of a sudden.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad’s legacy. I mean, what am I doing with it? He spent his whole life building up the Stark name and I’m pissing it away playing at superheroes instead of doing what I do best.”

“You hate SHIELD!”

“I hate Fury,” Tony corrected, “But my dad founded SHIELD. It’s as much his baby as Stark Industries and I’m taking them both back.”

“Alright, I’m going. You stay down here and stew with your insane empire-building. Come and talk to me when you’ve snapped out of it.”

“I’m not snapping out of anything. You know I’m right Pep.”

She shook her head and marched out, the workshop door slamming behind her.

 

Bruce walked into the apartment, mentally running through the different tests he was running. The models should be finished in an hour or two and then he might get into some physical manipulation of the specimens. Anything to keep him distracted. Hulk had been edgy ever since-

“My love.”

He looked up, stopping in place. Hel was standing in the kitchen doorway smiling dreamily at him in a black sundress.

“Uh, hi.”

“Did you miss me?” she skipped over, raising herself to kiss him. Bruce took a step away before her lips got there and she frowned.

“I, uh…sorry. I have to get back to the lab. Tests.”

“Bruce, I am only newly home. You cannot spare me five minutes to share the news of my trip?”

“I have to go.” He huffed, marching back into the elevator.

Hel gaped after him, too stunned to do anything about it.

*****

Thor huffed his way to the door, opening it to find Tony on the other side with a USB in hand.

“Hey pal. You’re looking...sombre?”

“Greetings, Tony. I thank you for coming.”

“The house is quiet.”

Thor stepped back to let him pass. “Loki and Natasha are out and Sleipnir is visiting his lady love in Washington. I am alone.”

His sigh drew an answering whistle from the wind outside and Tony raised a brow. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Pepper’s not talking to me and I’ve got no idea what I did this time.”

“Things are grim indeed at present. Jane says Lady Darcy has spent many hours disparaging Clint to her.”

“I still don’t get how the guy fucked up so badly.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Tony.”

“Spies aren’t supposed to get caught sneaking around.”

“You have the tape?”

He waggled the USB. “Yep. I’ll plug it in.”

He fiddled with the TV while Thor sat on the couch, head resting back against the cushions unhappily. Tony pressed play and the screen changed to the security feed from their Tower apartment.

“So this is the night Jane threw you out...I’ll fast-forward.”

He sped through what looked like the two of them having dinner and then the brunette taking their daughter into the other room. When she reappeared he pressed play, moving to sit beside the god. Thor listened with mounting horror as he and Jane argued on the TV, words flying from his mouth like thunderclaps.

“I could not have said these things, friend Tony.”

“Uh...yeah. But you did.”

“But I have no memory of it.”

Tony raised a brow at him. “Thor, buddy…that’s you. And that’s Jane. And you just said shit to her that is truly deserving of a slap.”

Thor frowned, looking between Tony and the screen where the recorded Jane was in the process of kicking him out. He remembered that bit. Why couldn’t he recall the rest? Was he going mad? Had he perhaps been possessed?

“Anthony, I promise you I did not knowingly say those things. I may have been under the influence of something.”

Tony scowled. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Do you think Bruce can examine me for outside interference?”

“Uh yeah, I’m thinkin’ that’s our new team priority. Come on pal, we’ll give him a call.”

 

“Another round.” Pepper held up her black Stark Industries credit card. Fuck Tony, after the shit he’d pulled he could front them some drinks.

Jane and Darcy certainly didn’t seem to have any trouble downing them. They were both throwing back shots and dancing in their seats at the VIP table, the brunette dolled up, her boss reluctantly so. Pepper had a feeling Darcy was going to try and persuade Jane to take someone home but it wasn’t going to work. She could tell the scientist wasn’t in the mood for a one night stand. Darcy though…

Hel was quiet, mopey. She leaned her head on her hand and played with the garnish on her martini, eying the crowd almost enviously. The only one of them who seemed genuinely cheerful was Maria and she might have just been enjoying a night off from Steve and Adam.

“Hellie?” Pepper nudged her, “You okay?”

She sighed like a funeral dirge. “No. Bruce of the house Banner has been avoiding me ever since my return from Helheim. He does not even sleep in our chambers, nor answer my calls. When I try to enter his lab I am told he is doing experiments that are too delicate or dangerous to be interrupted.”

Pep frowned. “Why would he be trying to stay away from you?”

“I do not know. At first I thought he was perhaps angry at my absence. Then I thought he may be struggling with his Beast and desire I keep away from his old foolish protective nature. Tony of house Stark said he had an incident while I was away.”

“Oh yeah,” she grimaced, “I never heard what it was about but he trashed the lounge of your apartment pretty good.”

“Now I fear…I fear he has troubles he does not want to tell me. That he may leave altogether, to keep me safe or something.”

“Who cares?” Darcy snorted, “Men suck anyway.”

“I still can’t believe Clint had the audacity to deny it.” Pepper shook her head.

“Barton’s usually not such a knobhead.” Maria agreed.

“And Thor isn’t usually a prick, but apparently there’s something goin’ around.” Darcy squeezed Jane’s hand.

“I apologise for Uncle Thor’s mistreatment of you. He should know better.” Hel stuck her lip out.

“It’s okay Hellie, it’s _so_ not your fault.”

Pep bit her lip. “Thor going all chauvinistic, Clint cheating, Bruce giving you the cold shoulder and Tony losing his damn mind…what the hell – sorry – has gotten into them? Maria, you and Steve are okay, yeah?”

She nodded. “Fine. He’s incredibly sweet, looks after Adam when I need a break, brings home ice cream for movie nights-”

Jane started sobbing, her forehead hitting the table with a thump. Maria looked away guiltily as Darcy rubbed the astrophysicist’s back.

“It’s okay hon, he’s an idiot. You’ll find someone like a million times better than Thor.”

“Better than an immortal god prince who can control storms and slay bilge things and yet still used to let me control the TV remote?” she sniffed, hiding her face in the tablecloth.

“Uh, maybe you should take her home.” Maria grimaced at Darcy.

“Yeah, all over it. Hellie?”

“I shall stay. There is no point returning where I am not wanted.”

“Pep?”

“I’m staying too. Anything that gets me out of the Tower right now is of the good.”

“Anthony shall come to his senses.” Hel smiled sadly.

“And so will Bruce.”

“We shall see.”

 

Loki shook his head at the latest fight footage. Thor was so limp these days, barely flexing his muscles for anything, defeating his foes with none of his trademark enthusiasm. He tossed the tablet aside and sat back against the pillows, wondering what he could do to cheer him up. Loki looked up as Natasha entered. She didn’t acknowledge him as she made her way to the wardrobe, taking off her heels.

“There you are. Did Fury call you in?”

“Huh?” she glanced over her shoulder, “Oh. Yeah.”

“I take it the mission went well.”

“Sure.”

“I have missed you,” he leered at her tight black dress, “Shall we celebrate with a little bout of our own?”

“I’m not really in the mood.”

He frowned. Natasha was _always_ in the mood after a mission unless someone she was close to got hurt. He focused harder on her face as she tied her hair up. There was something wrong with her energy, a flickering around the edges like a hologram that isn’t quite stable. It smelt of strange magic.

Loki was flooded with anger and concern. Where was the real Natasha? Who was this stranger in his house – an enemy from Asgard? A human? Someone even worse, from his time between worlds? And what was their purpose? If they meant to attack him, accepting his proposition would have made it simple, and yet whoever it was had turned him down.

He sat back casually, determined to keep his suspicions to himself. “I was thinking perhaps we could have the others over to lunch tomorrow.”

“Whatever. I probably won’t be here.”

“More work?”

“I can’t really talk about it, you know that.”

“Fine, I shall not push. How about we have a romantic dinner then? Perhaps somewhere like Paris or Venice? Barcelona?”

“I’m meeting Clint.”

“Ah. Very well. I shall leave you to get ready.”

He stood and left casually, taking the tablet with him. Loki went into the garden, strolling around Milo’s pool until he was well out of earshot. He called Director Fury’s private line, eyes on the house as it rang.

“Fury.”

“It’s Loki. Where is Natasha right now?”

“You know I can’t share mission information with you.”

“This is a security concern. Is she in New York?”

“She’s not even in the States.”

“Thank you Director.”

“Wait, what security concern are you talking about?”

He hung up, stalking back towards the doors. If Natasha wasn’t in the country then how could she be in their bedroom? Loki threw the door open but there was no one there, no sign of her at all. Her dirty clothes were in the basket and her purse was gone.

“Whoever you are, you’d best hope she doesn’t get you first,” he tutted, “Those were her favourite shoes.”

 

It was an incredibly tense group that arrived at the Long Island house the next day. Loki scanned his guests closely as they sat but everyone seemed to be themselves, apart from the glares and stiff posture. He’d had to fight just to get Pepper and Jane to come; Darcy he’d flat-out tricked with the promise of movies and popcorn. Now as they spread themselves awkwardly around the living room, he stood in front of the doors and clasped his hands behind his back with a sigh.

“Thank you for coming. I know most of you would rather be anywhere else right now.”

Darcy snorted, scowling at Clint from the other end of the couch.

“Do you not think it strange that you are all going through such difficult times at the moment?” he looked around.

Tony sighed. “I should have known this wasn’t a social call.”

“What do you mean difficult times?” Pepper frowned.

“Jane has thrown Thor out of their house, for saying things he claims not to remember,” Loki pointed, “Darcy has discovered Clint in a compromising position he refuses to admit to. Has no one else had strange arguments that only one of them can recall?”

They looked at each other, recognition slowly dawning.

“You said you wanted kids.” Bruce muttered at Hel.

“The HYDRA stuff...” Pepper bit her lip.

“I told you babe, I don’t know why you think I want to work with Fury! I hate the guy with a passion.” Tony threw his hands up.

“Tony, when you check the Tower footage from the time Jane alleges Thor disrespected her, what did you find?” Loki arched a brow.

“It, uh, it looked like he said it.”

“But he couldn’t recall doing so.”

“Yeah. We were gonna get Bruce to look him over but the doctor suddenly got very hard to reach.”

“The tape,” Thor said excitedly, “I knew I could not have said those things!”

“And I was in Tunisia when Darcy saw ‘me’. I assumed she thought I was cheating with an agent on the mission but if she saw me – I mean, it’s impossible.”

“Tunisia?” Darcy’s brow furrowed.

“Yeah, check with Hill. I wasn’t even in the country.”

“So you’re saying,” Jane stuck her lip out, “That the boys have what, evil doppelgangers who tried to break us up?”

“That actually makes sense when you think about it,” Darcy mused, “I mean it’s a pretty supervillain-y thing to do.”

“I’d say the most damning evidence is that fact that Natasha, who is currently away for work, showed up at the house yesterday and disappeared again within five minutes without saying more than ten words to me.”

“Okay, so what are we looking at?” Clint leaned forward, “Clones, shapeshifter, mind control?”

“I think it is someone casting illusions. What I saw of their magic was shoddily concealed, the edges of the image easy to spot.”

“Human then,” Thor stroked his chin, “No one of the other realms who had the power to come to Midgard would cast so poor a seeming, and they would hold no grudge against the entire team, only you or I.”

“Yes, that is the logical conclusion.”

The whole atmosphere had changed, people leaning forwards, outright angry now instead of silently fuming. Loki would have smiled to himself if it wasn’t so serious; whoever the culprit was, they’d almost succeeded in destroying several relationships.

“How do we find the guy?” Tony clenched his fists.

“The sorcerer has been making regular appearances, moving through us – first as Thor, then Clint, Hel, Tony, and now Natasha. I would guess they will continue to wear her appearance until they have succeeded in driving us apart. Which means they should return to this house eventually.”

“Can you hold them?”

“Of course. I almost did last night but I missed my chance.”

“So we just wait then?” Clint sighed.

“I suppose. If my fellow Avengers want to stay here for the weekend to work on their domestic squabbles...well, that would be understandable, wouldn’t it?”

Tony’s smile was enormous as he sat back. “Totally. It’ll be like a last-ditch couples’ retreat.”

“I just care about you all so much.” Loki smirked at him.

“You’re a real pal.”

“Well, better find you all some rooms then, hadn’t we?”

*****

Darcy shut the door, glancing down. Clint was already by the window, drawing the blinds.

“Clint...”

“Darce, don’t,” he wrapped his arms around her, “Don’t. This asshole wanted us to fight and we did. I don’t blame you. I would have been just as mad if I’d been the one who saw you cheating. Point is it was all bullshit, and I am forgetting it as of right now, okay?”

“I should have known it wasn’t you. Loki knew.”

“Loki knows magic better than I know bows. Of course he knew. Us mere mortals can be forgiven for getting confused with all the emotional upheaval and all.”

She smiled and kissed him, the archer holding her close. “God, it felt so crappy not being able to do that.”

“Okay, evil imposter watch or not, the make-up sex is definitely starting right now.”

She grinned, pushing him back onto the bed. Clint pulled her into his lap and kissed her neck, hands freezing on her waist.

“Just so you know, I’d never actually do that to you.”

She kissed his forehead. “I know.”

 

Tony stripped off his shirt as Pepper pulled her skirt down over her hips. “What’s the rule, baby?”

“When Tony’s weird, call Fury.”

“That’s right. Everytime. Even if I say I don’t wanna talk to him.”

“What if you really don’t wanna talk to him?” she asked as he kissed her, jaw cupped in his hands.

“Hmm...maybe we need a password.”

“A password?”

“A Tony’s-sane-and-himself password.”

“But if you know it, you’ll just say it when you’re insane.”

“Point taken.” He pushed her backwards, kissing his way down her stomach.

“How about this – Jarvis recognises the arc reactor, right?”

“Yeah, course. The frequencies and rhythms are crucial to the suit’s energy needs.”

“Then could you give me something that will scan you and tell me if it’s the real arc reactor?”

“That doesn’t help if I’m not controlling my body.”

“Ah,” she gasped as he ground against her core, “Maybe Loki can give us something magical?”

Tony stopped, looking down at her. “That is a great fucking idea, babe.”

She flushed, lifting her hips impatiently, but Tony was lost in thought.

“I mean I can’t believe we haven’t thought of that already. A failsafe for all the Avengers and other halves, something that confirms who we are, something that maybe can’t be removed or detected by anyone else. Brilliant!”

He kissed her with renewed vigour and she laughed, wrapping her legs around him.

“Pepper Stark, you are a genius.”

“Good thing I married one too.”

 

Bruce lay back on the bed, gasping. Hel snuggled in under his arm, her skeletal side cool and familiar against his chest.

“That is a million times better.” He puffed out.

“I hate to fight.” She traced a circle on his stomach.

“Well technically we weren’t?” Bruce smiled, “I was fighting with the bad guy.”

“My hero.” Hel grinned, kissing his cheek.

“Yeah but you had to put up with my sulking. I tell you, when we catch this guy I’m gonna beat him into the ground. Me, not the Hulk.”

“You’re both my champions.” She hugged him fiercely.

There was a thumping above them, the ceiling shaking a little, and Hel giggled.

“It seems Uncle Thor and Aunt Jane are no longer feuding.”

“No, sounds like they’re getting along just fine.” He grinned.

“Be grateful you do not have godly ears, my love. I can hear the others too.”

He shut his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t want to know.”

“It is a house full of love indeed this day.” She said contentedly, curling into him.

He played with her hair, eyes on the ceiling as his body calmed. “What you said though...the fake you. About wanting kids. Is that something you might really think?”

She shifted on her side to look at him. “What? Bruce, you know we cannot.”

“ _I_ say we can’t, because I’m scared of the possibilities. You’ve a goddess though. We have no idea what the outcome would be.”

“Which is why you always say no, and I agree because I do not want you to worry.”

“But what do you really want, Hellie? If the Hulk wasn’t an issue.”

“I would want children with you, Bruce of the House Banner.” She stroked his face.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she raised a brow.

“You want kids, we can figure it out. We’ll look at my DNA and my sperm and we’ll try to run some simulations, and if worse comes to worse we can adopt. But I want you to be happy. Family hasn’t always worked out for either of us. I’d like to give it another try.”

She squealed and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. Bruce laughed, pressing a kiss to her hair and holding her tight.

“You are going to be an amazing father.” Hel whispered.

“Maybe.”

“I know it.”

There was a louder thud and then a crack, and then Hel was shoving him out of the way so fast his rib clicked. They landed in a heap with the blankets tangled around them as the roof collapsed, another bed landing heavily on top of Hel’s. Jane shrieked and pulled the covers up around her as Thor blinked in surprise.

“My apologies, niece. I appear to have gotten carried away.”

She could barely contain her laughter as an embarrassed Jane hid her face in the pillows. “It is best forgotten, uncle, for everyone’s sake.”

Bruce took one look at the confused thunder god and collapsed, hugging himself as he chuckled helplessly.

“Uh, perhaps you could avert your eyes?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll leave you to it.” She stood, clothing herself as she tugged Bruce to his feet.

They hurried up the stairs, firmly closing the door, only to run into Loki two steps down the hall. Bruce went still, cringing at the sheet held ineffectually around his waist. The god looked between them archly.

“Hel.”

“Uncle Thor rather suddenly interrupted us.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Of course he did.”

*****

The atmosphere in the house was much better after that. Weeks of fighting blew away and kissing couples occupied almost every room. Clint and Darcy played in the pool with Milo, the sun beaming down warm and bright now Thor’s good mood was completely restored. Tony and Pepper challenged Thor and Jane to a video game duel, the two couples high-fiving each other and giggling. Hel and Bruce were in the kitchen, whispering to each other and touching hands every few seconds. Loki felt pretty damn satisfied about it.

It also made him miss Natasha. He wished she was here, not only so he could hold her, but so he’d know there was no phantom Loki poisoning her mind against him. Whenever he thought of the person who had tried to split them all apart, he got that familiar urge to eviscerate.

He was sitting on the deck watching the octopus toss Darcy into the air gleefully, Clint catching her at the other end of the pool. A door slammed inside and a second later Thor’s loud voice floated out through the open door.

“Lady Natasha!”

The god stood casually, throwing Clint and Darcy a look. The archer nodded, whispering to the brunette as Loki headed inside. Natasha, or the pretend one at least, stood near the front entrance with a disdainful look at the other Avengers.

“You are home,” Loki smiled, “Come, I have missed you.”

He held out his arms and she scoffed. “I’m not staying. Just came to change.”

Loki stepped into her path, catching her wrists with a sorrowful, confused expression. “Natasha, have I done something to anger you?”

“No. I just have someplace to be.” She said flatly.

“Yes. I believe SHIELD are preparing a room for you.”

Her face changed to panic but Loki was faster, his hands clamping down like iron shackles. She fought against his grip and turned to find Thor, a suited-up Tony, Clint, Hel and Bruce standing in the lounge room. The others were outside, watching through the doors. None of them looked pleased or welcoming.

“Release me.”

“I don’t think so, magician.”

Nat arched a brow at him smugly. When she spoke her voice was metallic somehow. “I should have known better than to trick the Trickster.”

The illusion melted away to reveal a green cloak and metal arms, the limbs bulging and flexing in an effort to shake Loki off. The increased strength made no difference, especially when Thor stepped forward to grab Doom by the collar.

“You shall pay for your villainy, scoundrel!”

“Yeah. We all want our pound of flesh.” Tony snarked.

“I do not think Director Fury will object to you taking it, one by one, over the course of the next few days.” Loki smirked.

“Thor gets to go first.” Clint said.

“All in favour?” Tony turned towards the window.

Hands shot up and Thor smiled grimly, Doom leaning back nervously.

“Very well. Take me to Fury.”

“Not so fast,” Loki smiled, “Brother?”

His fist connected with Doom’s jaw hard enough to send him through the nearest wall, the human immediately unconscious. Thor looked too cheerful as he shook out his arm.

“Next?”

 

With Doom in custody, everything settled back to normal. Thor moved back into the Tower, Clint and Darcy disappeared together for a week to Monte Carlo and Tony bought Pepper some very nice earrings to make up for being constantly targeted by their foes. Bruce loved being able to kiss Hel again, to sleep next to her, to just talk. He wondered how he could have been so stupid to play the avoidance card yet again. He should have learned to stop running from his problems by now.

Which is why he was in the lab looking at his own little swimmers under the microscope and wondering where he could get a book on Jotunn genetics.

“Bruce, my love?”

He smiled as Hel approached, setting something on the counter beside him as he slipped an arm around her waist.

“Hey. I have a few questions for Loki, if you know where he is.”

“Later. This first.” She tapped what looked like a jar of face cream.

“What is it?”

“Mother’s system for rooting out any future imposters.” She unscrewed the lid. The contents glowed bright blue, and as he watched Hel dipped a finger in and drew a pattern on his forehead.

“How does it work?”

“We all are marked with the rune which takes hold in our essence, invisible but impossible to remove. It cannot be faked; even if someone discovered how to reproduce it, their magic would not fool these.”

She held up her hand, wiggling her fingers to show off a silver ring. It was an ordinary band with a small runic A engraved in the middle. She pressed a finger to it and it shone blue until she let go.

“They’re great. I take it the colour changes if you’re not the real you?”

“Yes, if my essence is not my own.”

“There’s a problem here.”

“Hulk?” she smiled.

“Yeah. That thing will get lost the first time I change.”

“Mother has thought of that.”

She took his hand and turned it over, cupping the palm between hers. Hel whispered and something sharp shot through his arm, and when she lifted her fingers away he could see a blue A tattooed on his skin for a moment before it faded.

“Convenient.” He examined it. When he touched his palm nothing happened, but Hel traced a finger across it and the tattoo reappeared temporarily.

“I have applied it to all the others, including the children. Mother is thinking of extending the protection to Director Fury too, just in case.”

“He’d be smart to take it. We need to know the guy issuing our orders is uh, actually the guy.”

“How are your experiments?” she glanced at the glass slide.

“Good, good. The radiation altered my DNA but you should be immune to it, so our child might not be affected. I need to do more research into mixing species and your body’s capabilities.”

“We will get there.” She cupped his face in her hands.

“Yeah. We will.”


End file.
